to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
