dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
