do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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