I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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