her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
