Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
