i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
