You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
