I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
