And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
