bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's not cheating when I paid for it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Randomize
