where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
