Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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