I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
