They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize