Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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