Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
