so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
