Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize