You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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