The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
