HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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