Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Drake has all the answers
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
