You're completely useless in the revolution.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
