8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize