I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
