You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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