What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize