if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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