were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
