singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
