its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
