You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
