Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We left the knife in your bed.
You made out with two different species that night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You are the jesus of drinking
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
