When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
