Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
