I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My ATM looks so different sober.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
