I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize