Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
