why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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