PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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