Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry about my life...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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