Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just cut my nipple shaving
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
