Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
