Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
