i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
then he tried to convert me to islam
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
