ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
