When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize