Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
