i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
