Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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