i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
