i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize