Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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