I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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