I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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