i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
