So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
