new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
