The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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