i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i love accidental penises.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
