he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She even gives head with a lisp.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize