Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
