hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize