i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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