you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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