her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
